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What a wonderful forum you have created here, to share your philosophy with parents in desperate need to hear voices of wisdom and sounds of reason amongst the blare of “shoulds” and “don’ts”.
Thank you a million thank you’s Pinky, from a Mama of a 21 month old whom has sought courage through your words and reclaimed clarity and patience – always remembering…this too shall pass…
Thank you Pinky for hearing my ‘call’. I have a “high needs”little angel aged 9 months old who started waking again at night at 5 months after sleeping well before then. I was exclusively breastfeeding and he didn’t seem to be getting enough to eat during the day. He became very easily distracted and fed poorly during daylight hours hence night time was catch up time. He took poorly to solids and I had to get someone else to wean him onto the bottle at 8 months because I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Since them he has improved eating and takes his bottle well. I am still breastfeeding once a day (first thing in am). He has always been about the lowest 25% for weight.
My biggest problem has been battling with my husband about my parenting choices. During the day my little one is in a good routine of up at 7am, breastfeed, breakfast, sleep at 9am for 1-1 1/2 hours, bottle at 11am, lunch at 12.30, sleep again at 2pm for another hour, bottle at 3pm dinner at 5pm, then bedtime routine to be in bed at 7pm. He is very good at putting himself to sleep. Unfortunately he does not eat a lot and his bottles are only 150mls on a very good day. He then wakes 1-2 times a night for another bottle of 100mls. When he eats dinner well and has his last bottle he only wakes once.
My husband and I fight whenever we talk about his routine as he feels that because our son is not sleeping through then the routine is not working. He hates being restricted by our son’s routine and feels that we should just let him fit around us. A lot of the time I just give in to save a fight and consequently out wee one usually misses out on one of his day naps and is so tired by the end of the day that he won’t eat properly and therefore is up twice.
To make matters worse we are staying with my inlaws while on holiday (on the other side of the world) for 7 weeks and I am getting advice from all sorts of people comparing our son to cousins, friends etc. I feel very isolated I feel that I have failed as a mother because I can’t get my son to eat and sleep like “normal babies”. I have spent so much time getting his daily routine in place and he is a very happy little man I think because of it. I just don’t know how to manage all the ‘advice’ I am getting without feeling like a complete failure. Maybe I just wait until I get home where I can start being a bit stricter with night waking without worrying about waking up a house full of people.
Thank you for providing somewhere to talk to other mothers of “high needs” babies.
hi kate
how difficult for you. it must be very difficult to be criticised or second guessed by your husband. its sounds like you have been standing up for your way of mothering tho when you can. and i guess thats all we can do, when the pressure is just too much from the outide, we have to look after oursleves and give ourselves a rest for standing up and fighting for it all the time. its great that you have talked here – hope it helps.
i have done a few things to get my little one to sleep thru – and after awhile of routine tweaking, solids tweaking (he eats a lot and drinks a lot of milk too) he still didnt quite make it thru the night till now – 14 months.
im not sure who’s definition your husbands version of sleeping thru is comparing yours too – but i wouldnt worry. the fact u notice if he eats more he is up once etc etc shows you are so in tune with your little one.
take care
rebecca
ps – im now waiting for a tooth to send ‘the routine’ outawhack again!! ;o)
Hi, I’d like some advice. But would first like to say “I love you Pinky” – you are my hero. Your book saved me when I was so low. Also Kate, I read some very interesting information about baby sleep in a book called “The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers” by Elizabeth Pantley under the ‘When will my child sleep through the night’ section (you might find the book in the library). It basically sums up that MOST children wake up through the night well into their early school years – and that’s the norm. My son is 10 months and still feeds three times a night!
Anyway the advice I’m after: We are going to the US in October this year to stay with my inlaws and they are already asking us to leave our son with them while we go out. He will be 1 year old then and he’s quite a clingy baby, which is fine by me cause I adore him We will be in a new country (four flights to get there) with new people for my son and a new environment. I don’t want to leave him with my in-laws. They’ve already commented that it’s more ‘the parents suffer separation anxiety’ than the child, and while that’s true for me I also feel that my son would also be anxious and I don’t want to put him through that. I’d feel differently if we lived there and he knew them better. They are nice people but I don’t want to offend them. How can I explain it to them? Perhaps I’ll just have to live with their unspoken criticism? Also my husband [while being verbally supportive of my way] I think would like to leave my son with them so that we can go out…
Thinking about it all is making me anxious and worried already so that sometimes I can’t sleep for thinking about it! It’s a small country town and there are many people who will talk about it amongst themselves
July 8, 2008 at 6:22 am
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July 9, 2008 at 9:34 am
Hello To You Too!
What a wonderful forum you have created here, to share your philosophy with parents in desperate need to hear voices of wisdom and sounds of reason amongst the blare of “shoulds” and “don’ts”.
Thank you a million thank you’s Pinky, from a Mama of a 21 month old whom has sought courage through your words and reclaimed clarity and patience – always remembering…this too shall pass…
July 11, 2008 at 8:36 am
Thank you Pinky for hearing my ‘call’. I have a “high needs”little angel aged 9 months old who started waking again at night at 5 months after sleeping well before then. I was exclusively breastfeeding and he didn’t seem to be getting enough to eat during the day. He became very easily distracted and fed poorly during daylight hours hence night time was catch up time. He took poorly to solids and I had to get someone else to wean him onto the bottle at 8 months because I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Since them he has improved eating and takes his bottle well. I am still breastfeeding once a day (first thing in am). He has always been about the lowest 25% for weight.
My biggest problem has been battling with my husband about my parenting choices. During the day my little one is in a good routine of up at 7am, breastfeed, breakfast, sleep at 9am for 1-1 1/2 hours, bottle at 11am, lunch at 12.30, sleep again at 2pm for another hour, bottle at 3pm dinner at 5pm, then bedtime routine to be in bed at 7pm. He is very good at putting himself to sleep. Unfortunately he does not eat a lot and his bottles are only 150mls on a very good day. He then wakes 1-2 times a night for another bottle of 100mls. When he eats dinner well and has his last bottle he only wakes once.
My husband and I fight whenever we talk about his routine as he feels that because our son is not sleeping through then the routine is not working. He hates being restricted by our son’s routine and feels that we should just let him fit around us. A lot of the time I just give in to save a fight and consequently out wee one usually misses out on one of his day naps and is so tired by the end of the day that he won’t eat properly and therefore is up twice.
To make matters worse we are staying with my inlaws while on holiday (on the other side of the world) for 7 weeks and I am getting advice from all sorts of people comparing our son to cousins, friends etc. I feel very isolated I feel that I have failed as a mother because I can’t get my son to eat and sleep like “normal babies”. I have spent so much time getting his daily routine in place and he is a very happy little man I think because of it. I just don’t know how to manage all the ‘advice’ I am getting without feeling like a complete failure. Maybe I just wait until I get home where I can start being a bit stricter with night waking without worrying about waking up a house full of people.
Thank you for providing somewhere to talk to other mothers of “high needs” babies.
Kate
July 12, 2008 at 3:25 am
hi kate
how difficult for you. it must be very difficult to be criticised or second guessed by your husband. its sounds like you have been standing up for your way of mothering tho when you can. and i guess thats all we can do, when the pressure is just too much from the outide, we have to look after oursleves and give ourselves a rest for standing up and fighting for it all the time. its great that you have talked here – hope it helps.
i have done a few things to get my little one to sleep thru – and after awhile of routine tweaking, solids tweaking (he eats a lot and drinks a lot of milk too) he still didnt quite make it thru the night till now – 14 months.
im not sure who’s definition your husbands version of sleeping thru is comparing yours too – but i wouldnt worry. the fact u notice if he eats more he is up once etc etc shows you are so in tune with your little one.
take care
rebecca
ps – im now waiting for a tooth to send ‘the routine’ outawhack again!! ;o)
August 16, 2008 at 6:13 am
Hi, I’d like some advice. But would first like to say “I love you Pinky” – you are my hero. Your book saved me when I was so low. Also Kate, I read some very interesting information about baby sleep in a book called “The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers” by Elizabeth Pantley under the ‘When will my child sleep through the night’ section (you might find the book in the library). It basically sums up that MOST children wake up through the night well into their early school years – and that’s the norm. My son is 10 months and still feeds three times a night!
Anyway the advice I’m after: We are going to the US in October this year to stay with my inlaws and they are already asking us to leave our son with them while we go out. He will be 1 year old then and he’s quite a clingy baby, which is fine by me cause I adore him
We will be in a new country (four flights to get there) with new people for my son and a new environment. I don’t want to leave him with my in-laws. They’ve already commented that it’s more ‘the parents suffer separation anxiety’ than the child, and while that’s true for me I also feel that my son would also be anxious and I don’t want to put him through that. I’d feel differently if we lived there and he knew them better. They are nice people but I don’t want to offend them. How can I explain it to them? Perhaps I’ll just have to live with their unspoken criticism? Also my husband [while being verbally supportive of my way] I think would like to leave my son with them so that we can go out…
Thinking about it all is making me anxious and worried already so that sometimes I can’t sleep for thinking about it! It’s a small country town and there are many people who will talk about it amongst themselves